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[22 Mar 2011|10:53pm]
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[05 Mar 2011|12:30am]
God I gotta let this go. I gotta let what you did to me go. I can't believe it hurts me this much still. I was sooooo stupid. I'm hurt that I gave you something so precious and you lost it and its gone. I hate you so much and I hope you one day feel what I feel.
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[09 Jan 2011|07:55pm]
I'm just gonna wait here for my life to begin. Brand new year and I'm just wondering if things are gonna go my way this time. At least something big is for sure happening this year. I'm gonna graduate!! And I can't wait for december to come so it can finally happen.
When am I ever gonna stop being green with envy? Specially when I know I can be just like that?
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[26 Dec 2010|11:59pm]
i promise you wont break me. I've come too far.
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[19 Nov 2010|09:00pm]
Soooo school is gonna be done in less then a month and its really starting to be crunch time for me. I have 2 upcoming presentations which I'm definitely not looking forward to it. And then its do or die for finance and that's really got me stressed and I don't even know what to do. I'm so tired of school but at least I think next semester wont be so horrible like this semester... with wretched finance and accounting and then also mgt 3800 is no easy piece of cake because the professor graded me so bad on the debate when I think I did a hell of a job. I can't wait till December 21st. I'm really gonna hear the birds sing and chirp because regardless if the outcome I'll be done. Ughhhh. I cant wait till next year December when I finally graduate. It's about time I leave that muthafucker. I hate college. I hate having to take all these classes that have nothing to do with my major.
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I long ago learned not to be picky with farewells... [18 Oct 2010|11:22pm]
"I long ago learned not to be picky with farewells. They weren't guaranteed, nor promised. You were lucky, blessed even, if you got a goodbye at all."

At least I expected the disappointment, right? I mean, I can't say I was surprised you hurt me once again. But I can't say it hurt any less, either. *

At least I expected the disappointment, right? I mean, I can't say I was surprised you hurt me once again. But I can't say it hurt any less, either. *

The day you came back around, that was the worst day of my life. I always thought that nothing could ever top the day you left, and as a matter of fact I thought that when the time came to see you again, everything would get better. With me, with you, with us. But when you came back, and you told me how sorry you were, I felt mad, sad, frustrated, pissed off, and about seven thousand other emotions. But not a single one of those emotions was anything close to happy or relief. I looked into your eyes, and instead of the rush of warmth I was used to feeling when you looked at me, I realized that those eyes, your face, your smile, were all part of the person who hurt me most. You left me, without a word, and then expected me to take you back when you finally understood just how much I cared. You came this close, this close, to killing me. And even though it took seeing you're face again to realize it, I had started living again. Looking into your eyes that last time was the confirmation I needed; I wasn't going to walk back into that death trap called your arms.

To tell you the truth, I don’t have much to offer. But I’ll still give you everything I’ve got, even if it’s barely a thing at all. I’ll give you late nights, long hugs. Someone to talk to, someone to care for, someone who will always be there. A hand to hold, somebody to lean on. And if that’s not enough, just know you have all of me. I hope that’s enough.

I suffer in silence. I don’t cry in front of people. I can smile despite how shitty things are. I will always put you before me. I leave my phone on at night just in case someone needs me. It’s because I love everyone else more than I could ever love myself. What can I say, I’m just a fuck up with a good heart.

I've tried forgetting but that didn't seem to work. so I've come to terms with who you are and who you've been. The only thing I wish you could see if what you really could be. Your past doesn't make you, or decide who you are. And I know your not sorry, but I've forgiven you.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the biggest fool of all? It must be the girl who can’t stop crying. Or maybe it’s the girl who kept on trying.

It's safe to say, I miss him more than ever. Whatever grip on reality I had is gone.

At this point, all I want to do is thank you for reminding me why I never wanted to give my heart away in the first place.

I needed to know that I meant something, anything to you. But what I got was nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it's funny the things you realize when someone walks away. At first, you feel as though it's your fault. Feeling like nothing, so close to falling apart. And then, in time, you come to the realization that you did nothing wrong. That it's his loss, that you are so much better without that one boy who didn't ever care. You live and your learn, that's how it is.

I'm the only one who ever gave a damn about you.

When you see me now, I hope you're sorry and I hope you regret how you hurt me. I hope you see me with someone else and wish it was you. I hope you regret all you've done and wish you could take it all back.

I could forgive you & forget everything that happened. But that wouldn't make it any better. We'll never be able to go back to the way it used to be. You had the world in your hands, but instead you threw it away. So don't expect me to feel sorry for something that was your own fault.
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[05 Sep 2010|01:51pm]
I lose and then I lose again but I just decided not to give a fuck anymore. I've put myself out there more then ever before and for what? For nothing because I've come to the honest realization that nobody gives a fuck and I can't keep a man and I can't get one to begin with. And no matter how I try it don't fuckin work so yea "my perfect guy" ain't so perfect if he doesn't give a rats ass about me. Uqhhhhhh I'm just so angry and hostile and MAD! And I don't understand why cause I'm a good fuckin person...when someone needs help im always here to help and for some reason good karma never comes back to me and I keep waiting and waiting but nothing ever happens so yea FUCK everything and everyone ... I've officially given up. The little bit of hope I've always had is gone. I ain't gonna die ill stay by myself. I have for entire year so what's a lifetime more.
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[31 Aug 2010|12:07am]
I found someone I'm so interested In... and he messaged me the 26th but hasn't read my message since: (wish he'd come back
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[23 Aug 2010|11:25am]
So school starts Thursday and I'm NOT excited at all because that just means less time for me and more time to do miserable school work... well here goes my "senior" year .. well sorta because ima still need to take an extra semester to graduate and I decided to actually go to graduate school so I'm gonna try and pick up my gpa to qa 3.4 which will be beyond hard so we shall see. I don't really think I need an MBA for human resources but it would be nice to have one and all that. Specially if I eventually plan to be an HR manager and make 80+k a year. I just want to have an entry level position that pays more then $1000 every two weeks.. that way id be able to pay for my loans, help daddy with expenses, and lease a nice car & insurance..oh and also have the nice things in life..and party and travel and do all the things I've missed out for 21 years. I just wish I could make more friends.... sometimes I wish I woulda stayed in Albany and had worked a little harder with making friendships but my deeds are done and I gotta live with them. Till then I should focus on getting good grades so I can actually get such a job..
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[24 Jul 2010|03:41pm]
I'm sooo sick. Stupid freakin cold. My head is killing me. I've basically given up on life and love. I don't give a fuck.
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[24 Jul 2010|02:04am]
I feel so liberated.. I deleted my myspace, migente, and the two plenty of fish accounts and I never plan to log in to that dumbass second screen name and keep my loggin in to the other one at a minimal. Freak everything when I say ima focus on me now and my life besides messing with niqqas that all they do is fuck me...I'm being forreal now. Before id say it but still would log in to those websites for some sorta hope. But fuck it. Ima do el baño de rakia and ima focus in getting all my shit done for school. Working getting paid and paying my bills. And if I don't party fuck it if I don't have a life fuck it. I give up. I think I gave up a long time ago and was denying it all along. Fuck if my 20s are a piece of shit.. it already is a piece of shit and I don't do shit but work and school and get my heart broken and deceived day in and day out so I rather stay by my god damn self. I'm tired of it all.
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[21 Jul 2010|09:33am]
I never win. Not once not ever.
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[30 May 2010|11:49pm]
i feel worse and worse. all alone. im tired of always feeling like this. if only things were easier for me. not even the simple things i can get.
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[25 Apr 2010|05:39pm]
... im living such a stress filled life and i hate it. if its not one thing its the other. school is soooooo stressful and i cant stand it at all. i finally got a different job but its only temporary for the end of this year. i thought i found the right person for me and we were building our future and all he does now is change on me. after we agreed never to do that. time and time again people fuck with me and i cant do nothing to stop them. im tired of the same shit every single day and im tired of how stressful everything has become. because i realized that nothing ever goes my way. i can never be stable no where. if its not school, its work, its my relationships, its friends that i DONT have. i just dont know what to do with myself anymore. this is slowly killing me. and in the end i wonder, what is the point?
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[02 Apr 2010|06:11pm]
So I'm 21. Happy 21 to me. So I've gathered from your short non inviting responses and note that suddenly you are not interested and I will let you be.
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[31 Mar 2010|01:12am]
I'm so afraid... of never finding him. I'm so afraid of always staying in this hurdle. I'm just so sick of everything. Time and time again I've gotten nothing but deadends. I'm just so afraid of never finding my companion...or finding him too late. Life is so short. One minute your here and then...your gone. One day my life will be over. One day I won't be here no more. And it scares me to know that ill never figure out why was I put in this world for. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck. I'm miserable. I'm 21..almost.. and I'm miserable. How is this possible ?
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[16 Feb 2010|02:05am]
Have you ever felt so weak. Like you just don't ever want to wake up. Everyday is a struggle.
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[30 Jan 2010|02:08am]
So here I am at my little corner. So I found his facebook and the picture was him kissing a white girl. it initally hurt so. Bad I even logged in to send him a message. And yea I was mad but now I'm over it after realizing wat a real cum bucket and dirtbag he really is. And I feel bad in forever loosin my belonging but ill be ok. All wounds heal and mines is healing up well. God is good. He will have his day.

Onto a brighterrr topic!! I'm filing my taxes tomorrow yuppiiii. So hopefully I get me some mooola. Hopefully I find a chase.cause I gotta take $100 out for the soririty bullshieeeet. I have another meeting this Sunday and things are picking up slowly but surely.

I started school. Blahhhh can't wait till I graduate.. calculus here I come be easyyy on me I'm only human. My other classes seem ok too. I'm gonna try to get all As in the 3 and as highh as possible in math. But just as long as I pass mannnn but I have a feeling I will cause I'm sooo focused.

I know who I wanna be but I'm not exactly sure when it will all begin....

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[05 Jan 2010|01:40am]
Are you wishing it were spring now, Aries? Do you long for warmer weather, brighter days, and new beginnings? If so, you are wishing away what you have right now. There is something wonderful about every time of year, and every time of life. Each season offers something unique in terms of the growth you experience. You can have a beginning right now, even though we're in the depth of winter. But you can only do so if you fully welcome and embrace the place you are in. Don't wish your life away. Take the best of what is there for you now.

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[20 Dec 2009|10:34pm]
i want you so bad. im willing to put aside everything if you are. im willing to start from scratch and let you be my everything again. i care for you so much already to let it go. i dont wanna let it go. i want you.. all of you. the good the bad and the ugly. i dont want the fairy tale life with anyone else if it means giving up the rocky ahh you drive me crazy but my heart is all yours life. i wanna follow my heart and my heart leads straight to you.

nick baby. im ready.
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